I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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