Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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