mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
