Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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