im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
