hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
