Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
