thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
