He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
