im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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