Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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