tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
