Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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