My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
