Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
