i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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