how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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