that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
