Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
