Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
