Need sex. Gaining weight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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