It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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