I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
