she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
