he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
