me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
