Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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