it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
