You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
