Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
