we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
