i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm at about main and main street
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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