Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
