I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
