I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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