sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
