it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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