I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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