I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
