So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
