I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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