Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We're like a lot better than the average bears
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
