he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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