as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
