Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
