you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
