Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my poor anus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
