you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
