are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
