She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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