just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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