I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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