lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
