I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
